distance

Numbers have never really spoken to me. Math eluded me throughout my youth. I could never see how math fit into my life. Of course, the basics were there. The math we cannot live without day to day. But why all the word problems and graphs and geometry and trigonometry and calculus?

Although, this past year numbers have defined time and place and distance. My car - my gold 4-door Saturn that my family bought new in 1997 and has been the ONLY car I have driven as my own - hit 100,000 miles on a drive home to see my mother just a few weeks before she died. And since then, I have been hyper aware of each number as it rolls back and the miles pile up. Each number is one more mile I drive away from her and that time and that place. Each number is one more mile I drive into a future that is rapidly changing and not what I expected. These numbers have become my life, an almost obsession. They never stop adding up. You can't reverse them. Life and time go on.

But 111, 000. This marked a significant moment for me. While many of numbers have marked particular lows for me, this number marks a different turn. A turn of acceptance. Things are looking up. I am 11,000 miles into my future and I am starting to feel like me again. Like I am back to living my own life. And actually ready for those numbers to keep adding up and moving forward. I have finally gained the distance that I need.